THIS POST IS RATED: PG-50
(You should only read this if you are 50 years of age or older!)
As we gets older, there are certain tests that our doctor recommend we have. Yesterday, at 55 years of age, I had one of these recommended tests... a colonoscopy. For those who have never had one, I have a few words of advice:
1. The prep is by far the worse part. Of course, drinking 1/2 gallon of slightly salty, lemon/lime flavored, and mildly chilled liquid in 2 hours doesn't sound like a tough task. Believe me, this tops any "Man vs Food" challenge you've ever watched on the Travel Channel. If you are able to drink that last 8 ounces of liquid before the 2 hour mark then you deserve to have your name posted on a wall of fame and have hundreds of people chanting your name as you take that last swallow! By the way, I failed the challenge. I threw in the towel with at least 16 fluid ounces left in the jug!
2. This is advice from from dear wife that went through the test a year before I did...."pat don't wipe". Nothing else needs to be said here...you'll understand when your prep time comes.
3. The actual test can best be described as an "alien abduction". You have about an hour of lost time and regain consciousness with a sore behind!
4. It will take at least 6 hours to purge the gas from your intestinal tract! This is not benign gas...this is painful gas. They pump you full of gas like the Goodyear blimp for the exam and it takes quite a bit of time to deflate!
5. Once you find out all is aok, prepare yourself for the jokes. You will be the "butt" of all your family and friends jokes for at least 2-3 days.
Closing note on my exam. All was well. I was giving a clean bill of colon health and told to come back to see Dr. Jellyfinger in 10 years.
